


The Intricacies of Perfection

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, False Memories, Feels, Fluffy Ending, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Healing, Insecurity, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 22:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19343797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: While Loki was locked in his cell, he lost himself in a fantasy. Now he can’t tell what’s real and what’s not, and Tony is left with the struggle of dealing with an enemy who believes himself his lover.





	The Intricacies of Perfection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/gifts).



> I will admit, Stars did not even have to try to convince me to write this one, the idea was too painfully good. I hope you like it!

When Tony first heard that Loki was being brought to the Tower, his first reaction was _frustration_. Hadn’t Asgard put the Avengers through enough? Hadn’t SHIELD? Hadn’t the world? Were they to be everyone’s punching bag now, a place to dump every problem, every tiny little thing that went wrong and needed to be fixed?

They had already dealt with Loki the once, had already caught him after he had tried to take over the whole planet with his alien army. And now they were expected to play babysitter?

The thought put Tony’s teeth on edge, and he was already expecting the worst as he waited on the landing pad for Thor to arrive with the bastard himself.

He was, of course, the only one present. Clint had stated point blank that he wasn’t going to go anywhere _near_ Loki, and Natasha had followed him out without a word. Bruce had looked a little green around the gills so Tony wasn’t going to push, and Steve… well. Tony hadn’t seen Steve in over a week.

Still, he could put on a brave face. He was more than practised at dealing with the unsavoury types after all, and he had managed talking to Loki well enough the first time around– if something that almost ended in Tony turning into a red smear on the sidewalk could be classified as _well enough_.

Whatever. Point is that Tony was wearing his casual clothes with not an armoured suit in sight (though there was certainly at least one waiting in the wings), and he was standing confident and smug with his head held high as the Bifröst slammed down onto the tower.

When the torrent of colour let up, Tony lifted his sunglasses and _stared_ at the sight before him.

He had been expecting manacles and chains. He’d been expecting the muzzle Thor had shoved onto Loki after the battle, he’d been expecting Loki to be restrained and angry and _pissed_.

He hadn’t been expecting… well. _This_.

Loki certainly looked like he was _manic_ , but not in the evil overlord kind of way he had back when he’d attacked New York. His eyes were a bright, bright green, shining with – delight? – and his smile widened as he caught Tony’s gaze.

“Anthony!”

It was clear that Thor tried to keep his grip on Loki, but the guy must have had the genes of a snake, for he slipped through with ease.

Then Loki was rushing forward, and Tony did not have time to defend himself. It was all he could do to raise his hands and try to push Loki away– but Loki was too strong, and their lips were pressing together without Tony able to do a single thing to push him away.

_What the fuck, what the fuck—_

Oh, he still _tried_ , shoving and pushing– and in a last-ditch effort he caught Loki’s lower lip between his teeth and bit down _hard_.

That seemed to do the trick– Loki jerked backward, though he didn’t move away entirely, his hands still resting on Tony’s waist.

“Anthony?” he asked, confused this time. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes, there’s something _wrong,”_ Tony snarled. “Get off me, you fucking bastard!”

Loki let go as if he had been burned, yet one hand still reached for Tony, as if he couldn’t help it. His expression was shattered, his eyes shining with such pain that Tony almost felt it himself. But he didn’t understand what the _hell_ was going on here– it was probably a trick, some ploy for sympathy, or… something.

Except… that pain looked so real, and when he spoke, Loki’s voice shook with the kind of torment that was surely impossible to fake. Even for a god of lies.

“I don’t understand,” Loki whispered. “Anthony, did I _do_ something wrong?”

Tony didn’t know how on Earth he was supposed to respond to that. He was still all too aware of the fact that Loki could snap his spine like a twig if he so wished, but he still found it difficult to believe that Loki was faking it. Whatever was going on here was twisted, but it was serious.

Thankfully, Thor chose that moment to grab Loki from behind, gently tugging him away.

“Brother, you must step away,” Thor said. “You know it wasn’t real, I have explained—”

“You _lied!”_ Loki snarled, his lips twisting to show bared teeth as he tried to yank his arm from Thor’s grasp. “You lied, I know you did– Anthony, tell him that he lied!”

“Loki,” Tony said slowly. “This is only the second time I’ve met you.”

“No,” Loki whispered – _begged_ – his hands still reaching. “ _No—”_

“Come, Loki,” Thor said, wrapping one arm around Loki’s waist and the other around his shoulders, pulling him backward. “I shall show you to your room. Do you remember the agreement you made to come here?”

Loki took no notice of Thor’s words. He was still fighting, still scratching and snarling and _struggling_ , trying to do all that he could to get back to Tony.

“No!” he cried again, his voice cracking and so utterly, utterly broken. “No, Anthony, he's a liar, you just don't remember. We're together! We are, I _know_ we are!”

He continued to fight and scream and _beg_ all while Thor dragged him into the penthouse and to the elevator, and it was only when JARVIS closed the doors behind them that everything fell silent– but even then, Tony could feel the echo of it ringing in his ears.

He felt bit like he was shrouded in a heavy haze as he moved back inside. The sound of his sunglasses hitting the bar felt loud, and the glass and bottle he fetched down sounded louder still. The soft gush of liquid was soothing, though, and Tony closed his eyes once he had poured, trying to forget.

Loki was a nutcase, a bag of cats. They all knew that already. This probably didn’t even mean anything.

Without that broken expression right there in front of him, Tony could _almost_ convince himself that it had to have been a trick.

He couldn’t say how long he sat there, staring down into his glass. He had downed the first tumbler of scotch in one go, but as he stared at the second, the thought of drinking more made him feel almost as sick as the memory of Loki’s screams.

 _He’s a liar_.

Ha. Tony knew himself that _Thor_ was not the liar, which of course only left the one explanation, one that he knew everyone would believe in heartbeat. But then… everyone hadn’t seen that look of pain, that complete and utter heartbreak.

…You know what? That next glass did look rather tempting, after all.

Tony was just lifting it to his lips when the elevator slid open once again, and turned to find Thor striding toward him, his expression achingly tired.

Thor didn’t stand on ceremony– to be honest, it was one of the things that Tony had always liked about the guy. He came to a stop right beside Tony, swept up the bottle of expensive scotch, and downed half of it in one go.

Ah well. At least Tony didn’t have to battle his conscience anymore over having another drink.

“Loki needs healing,” Thor said without prompting, his eyes on the bottle. “You know that he was brought here to serve the rest of his sentence, but it’s not just for punishment. Once she realised what had happened mother begged that he get help, but he refused to even consider taking this option unless he was able to do it _here_.”

Tony frowned, not quite following– but before Tony could ask, Thor was talking again.

“I apologise, Tony. I should have known he would act that way, and should have sent a warning so that you were not the one to greet us.”

“You should have known?” Tony asked flatly. “I suppose that means it _was_ some kind of trick, then?”

“Oh, no,” Thor said. He took another long swig from the bottle, and then pinned Tony with an exhausted stare. “Loki messed with something that he should not have. He knew the risks of getting caught in a fantasy, but… I believe he did not care.”

“Caught in a fantasy?” Tony asked, narrowing his eyes. All of a sudden he had a really bad feeling, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know where this explanation was about to go.

“My father should have known that this would happen,” Thor groaned. “He made a mistake, one I should have argued against—”

“That’s a lot of ‘should have’s, Point Break,” Tony pointed out. “I don’t want to rush you, but… I don’t think that this was your fault.”

“I know,” Thor sighed. “But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t play a part in it. I told my father that mother was sending Loki comforts such as his books, and Odin ordered it stopped. With nothing else left to occupy his mind, Loki turned to illusion instead.” Thor shook his head, and downed another gulp of alcohol, almost finishing the bottle. “Maybe he was merely bored, or perhaps he truly believed there was nothing left for him in this world. But whatever the reason, the outcome remained the same.”

Tony swallowed, his mouth dry. “He forgot what was real, didn’t he?”

“He lost himself in a world which was false,” Thor said gravelly. “He believed himself to be living a life outside of his cell… a life with you.”

“Why?” Tony asked, incredulous. “ _Why_ would he do that? I spoke to him for all of _five minutes_ , he couldn’t possibly—”

“It doesn’t matter whether he knew you or not,” Thor interrupted, shaking his head. “After all, he crafted a world which was perfect for him, so the Anthony he remembers was likely nothing like you at all. Just a reflection which bore your face, not anything more.”

“He created a world where he could be happy, and he imagined someone who would love him,” Tony said, staring back down at his glass. “That’s…”

“Dangerous,” Thor muttered. “He should have known better.”

Well, what Thor had said was true, but that wasn’t the word that sat burning on the tip of Tony’s tongue.

Really, the only word Tony had to describe what Loki had done was… _sad._

Because, in Tony’s darker moments, who’s to say that he never would have done the same if he had the means? How often had he turned to the bottle so he would be able to forget?

Could he really begrudge Loki for doing his own – if slightly more drastic – version of the same thing?

Tony shook his head, and grit his teeth. Yes he fucking _could_ begrudge Loki, because as pathetic as he had looked before, he was still the same person who had thrown Tony out of a window. Still the same person who had killed all those innocent people.

Tony _knew_ that, of course.

But it was still hard not to feel a little sympathy.

—-◊-—

Days began to pass, and Tony could almost forget that Loki was even in the Tower. He saw more of Thor than he used to, since the guy was constantly worried over his brother, and there were Asgardian healers going in and out each day with increasing levels of frustration.

For some time, Tony simply assumed that meant that whatever remedies they were trying weren’t working– but it was about a week and a half after Loki had arrived that he found out that wasn’t the case at all.

“Loki is refusing all treatment,” Thor told him as he fell heavily onto the couch at Tony’s side. Clint, who had been sitting on the couch at the time and had to scurry out of the way to avoid being squished immediately started to complain, but Thor took no notice, his entire attention on Tony. “He fights them at every turn, and will not even allow them to touch him. He says that he will not, unless he is allowed to see you.”

“Did you try and tell him that I just don’t want to?” Tony asked. “Surely if he thinks he cares about me, that would be enough to make him stop asking?”

“I did try that,” Thor admitted. “He stated that if that was the case, then there was no need to try and recover from his ‘imaginary illness.’”

“Ironic that he calls it imaginary,” Tony muttered. Then, louder, he asked– “You said he made a deal to be allowed to stay here. What was it?”

Thor sighed. “He promised that he would not cause trouble, and that he would submit to healing so long as he was able to come here for it.”

Tony frowned, because it wasn’t adding up. “So why—”

“He is arguing that he did not agree to stay only in Avengers Tower– he agreed to stay with _you_. And because he has not seen you, he is claiming that it does not count– and since the magic of his oath is not proving difficult for him to bear, I believe that he is correct.”

“He really does have a silver tongue, huh?” Tony asked. “Guess he managed to trick you all.”

“But he would not be able to trick you, correct?” Thor asked.

“Are _you_ trying to trick me into visiting him?”

“What harm would it do? I know that he would not lay a finger on you, not when he believes you to be his love. All you would have to do is enter the room, convince him to listen to the healers—”

“Oh, no,” Tony said, holding up his hands. “No, _no_. I’m not going to go in there and pretend to be in _love_ with him—”

“You would not have to—”

“Yes I would,” Tony snapped. “You saw how he acted before. The moment he sees me he’s going to be on me like an octopus.”

“There is a magical barrier around his bed,” Thor said, his tone one of extended patience. “It is to prevent him from leaving, but it will also give you an excuse to keep your distance. You would only have to _speak_ to him, Tony, and only until the healers have been able to help him enough that he can see the necessity of that help himself.”

It was true that it seemed easier, but Tony was already shaking his head before Thor had even finished. Easier, after all, did not mean doable, and Tony wasn’t sure if he would be able to help _Loki_ of all people.

“No,” Tony said. “Sorry, Thor, I know he’s your brother and all. But I can’t.”

“And I will not force you,” Thor sighed. “You’ve done more than most would have by even allowing him to stay here.”

Thor left then, but Tony found he couldn’t concentrate enough to go back to the game he had been playing with Clint– and Clint was too irritable for Tony to want to bother, anyway. So instead, he went to his workshop, and spent some time working on his suits, forcing his errant thoughts into submission until metal and heat was all that he knew. When he had worked himself into exhaustion he collapsed on his bed without even taking a shower, smearing the sheets with black stains of grease.

But when he woke, when he opened his eyes to JARVIS’ greeting and the midday sun streaming through his window, Tony’s thoughts only once again turned to his houseguest. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get Loki out of mind. But if stamping it out wasn’t working, maybe he should just try to quench his curiosity instead.

“JARVIS,” Tony sighed. “Have we got cameras in Loki’s room?”

“Are you sure that’s wise, sir?” JARVIS asked. “Or… ethical?”

“I’m sure it’s what I need to do to get my mind off him,” Tony snapped. “I just… need to see what Thor meant, okay? I just need to see that he isn’t dying or something equally gruesome, and then I’ll be able to go back to focusing on stuff that actually _matters_.”

JARVIS remained unresponsive for a moment, but just when Tony was about to speak up again with a threat about how disobedient AIs got sent to run algorithms in places like Google or Facebook, the window flickered and an image was projected upon it.

The bedroom looked even more generic than most in the tower, since almost everything had been removed and the large bed had been dragged into the very centre of the room, so that it wasn’t against any of the walls. Loki was pressed against the headboard, curled into a ball and looking even dirtier than Tony was sure _he_ did, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether they had even let Loki have a shower. He was surrounded by a gleaming gold wall that encompassed the entire bed with a yard or so either side, which must have been the barrier that Thor had spoken of.

As Tony watched, he realised that Loki was rocking himself back and forth, muttering under his breath.

“Audio, J.”

The moment JARVIS followed Tony’s request, Tony wished that he hadn’t.

“They’re lying. They’re lying. It was real, he still loves me, it was real, it was _real._ ”

“Turn it off,” Tony said, swiping through the air with his hand as if trying to dispel the image himself. JARVIS did as he was asked without comment, and Tony was incredibly grateful that there was not even a hint of an _I told you so_.

Tony stumbled a little as he forced himself from the bed, still trying to push that image away as he made his way into the shower, hoping the scalding water on his skin would help matters. And sure enough, by the time he was clean, dry, and dressed he had come to decision– though it was not the one had initially intended.

“Okay,” Tony said, stepping through the penthouse and toward the elevator. “JARVIS, take me to Loki’s room, will you?”

If JARVIS was feeling judgey again, he didn’t show it. Tony knew that he probably looked like he was giving himself whiplash, but… he couldn’t just leave someone like that. He had hoped that Thor was exaggerating, that there would be another way to get through to Loki and to help him heal– but it was clear that was not the case.

When Tony stepped through the door into the bland room, Loki’s whole expression lit up as if he had just been told that he was being granted permission to burn down the whole building.

“Anthony,” he said, delighted. “I _knew_ that you would come! I knew you wouldn’t leave me here alone. Are you all right, have they done anything to you?”

Tony swallowed, remembering what Thor had said. Loki would not, _could not_ hurt him. All Tony needed to do was to try and convince Loki that it was in his best interests to let the healers help him get better.

“I’m fine,” Tony told him. “I mean, this is my tower, remember?”

“Of course,” Loki said. He moved quickly to the edge of the bed and stood in the small space, reaching out until his hand was pressed against the energy barrier. Tony, looking for an excuse not to go and mirror the position like Loki was so clearly expecting, glanced around the room.

“I…” Tony swallowed. “There’s nowhere for me to sit.”

Loki frowned, and looked back down to the large mattress for a moment before he turned his glare back upon the barrier that would have stopped Tony from sitting on the bed– if he had wanted to, that is.

“I wish I could summon you a chair,” Loki muttered. “But they are blocking my seiðr.” He lifted his hands, then, to show Tony the thin metal bracelets that circled his wrists. Except… they weren’t bracelets, were they? They were manacles as sure as if Loki had been cuffed with the heavy chains Tony had been expecting that first day.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, not quite surprised to find that he meant it. “But don’t worry, I’ll just go and grab a chair from one of the other rooms—”

“No!” Loki exclaimed. When Tony turned back, Loki actually _blushed_ , as if he were embarrassed by his outburst.

_Huh._

“I’ll come back,” Tony said, tilting his head.

Loki’s eyes lightened then, his blush fading as he asked– “Promise?”

“Sure,” Tony replied, not really thinking anything of it. “Promise.”

Loki relaxed completely then, sitting down again and leaning back against the headboard in a much more comfortable manner than how he had been before.

It was almost unnerving, how easily Loki accepted that promise just because Tony had given it.

Tony knew it was a result of Loki’s fantasy, that the person he had created for himself no doubt kept every promise and never told a lie– at least, not to _Loki_ himself. But it still felt… well, it felt _real_ , because it felt like Loki had more trust in him than anyone else.

Loki, the person who was supposed to be his enemy, trusted him more than any of his teammates.

It was mind-boggling, but as he went to grab a comfortable enough chair out of Thor’s living room, Tony realised why it felt so easy to believe what Loki was saying, why Loki seemed so _open_.

Loki was… well, he at least _believed_ that he was in love with Tony, and so all of his defences were down. He was treating Tony as the person that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and that meant that Tony was able to see through all the masks and the bullshit and straight to the core of who Loki _was_. He wasn’t hiding with Tony like he would with everyone else, because he believed that Tony loved him, too.

And that… well, that was even more unnerving than just the trust had been, because that was a burden Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to bear. Whether he wanted to or not, Tony was holding Loki’s heart in his hands, and what he did next would decide whether he helped it to heal, or whether he crushed it to bits.

There was a moment where Tony considered dropping the chair and heading back to his penthouse, but it only lasted a _moment_. If he left now, if he broke that promise, then more likely than not Loki would fall back into the darkness that had consumed him in his cell.

Somehow, that just didn’t seem _fair_.

Because yeah, Loki was an asshole. That was a fact that could not be denied. But wasn’t Tony himself living proof that being asshole didn’t necessarily stop someone from being able to redeem themselves? And… the person who trusted Tony at his word, the person who smiled when Tony entered a room– the person who’s very first instinct had been to ask whether Tony was _okay?_ Well, he seemed like a person that Tony kind of wanted to meet, and certainly _not_ like someone who deserved to be treated like trash.

Loki had done a lot of bad things in the past, but the man in there felt like someone completely different.

Tony knew what it was like to have attempts at a second chance slammed back in your face by people you care about. He didn’t want to that to happen to Loki, not when there was actually something he could do about it—

Not when there was a way that he could make a _difference_.

So it was that he picked up that chair and walked right back into that terribly boring room – which, hello, hadn’t boredom been the problem in the first place? – and when Loki smiled as he entered, Tony returned the gesture with ease.

“So,” Tony said, settling in beside the bed while Loki perched right on the edge of the mattress, as close to Tony as the barrier allowed. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you not going to try and convince me to let the healers into my head?” Loki asked– and although his words were undeniably accusatory, his tone was teasing.

“Should I?” Tony asked.

“Well, Thor certainly has,” Loki said. “And I know he was going to ask if you would come down here and help to convince me. He hinted as much.” Loki paused and considered Tony for a moment. “Do you not think that I should let them heal me?”

“I think that you should do what _you_ think is best,” Tony told him easily.

Loki blinked in surprise– then he smiled again, soft and pleased, and Tony realised that the question had been something of a test.

“Thank you,” Loki said. “That would make you the only one.”

“Did you think that I would say something different?” Tony asked curiously.

“I knew you would give the answer you thought was in my best interest,” Loki replied. And just like before, that last layer melted away and all evidence of manipulation was gone. It was as if Loki was just… bare, with nothing to hide, and it made Tony feel like he was doing something _wrong_. Because by pretending that everything was okay he _was_ lying, and with Loki being so honest that felt almost intolerable.

“Do you mind… if I ask you something?” Tony asked cautiously, holding Loki’s gaze.

“Of course not,” Loki replied. “You can ask me anything.”

Tony swallowed past the lump in his throat. “How long do you think we’ve been together?”

Loki frowned slightly at that, the expression marring the happiness he had clearly been feeling a moment before. “Anthony, the other day, on the roof, you said that it was only the second time we had met,” he said. “What did you mean by it?”

“I didn’t mean anything _by_ it,” Tony sighed. “It’s the truth.”

Loki flinched, and glanced down at his hands. “Then you do not believe me, either,” he whispered. “But you… you _always_ believe me. You swore to me that you always _would_.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you,” Tony said gently, feeling the lie once again like bitter poison on his tongue. “What you said we had sounds amazing—”

“It was,” Loki interrupted, his voice soft. “It was– it _is_ perfect. We’re perfect together.”

“Perfect isn’t real,” Tony whispered. “Loki, perhaps that should have been your first clue.”

“I thought so, at first,” Loki said. “I thought that for me to have found such a blessing, it _must_ be a trick, an illusion. But I know better than that, now. The Norns themselves arranged for us to be together.”

Loki sounded so _sure_ that it ached in Tony’s heart, but he knew the truth. “No,” he said. “Listen. It doesn’t… no one ever fits together perfectly, not in my experience. There’ll always be something that annoys you, something that you can’t stand, but you grin and bear it _because_ you love them.”

“No,” Loki echoed, shaking his head. “Maybe that’s right for everyone else, but not for us. You’ll see.”

Despite the way that Loki had been so certain, and the way he had trusted Tony so implicitly, there was something about his words that almost sounded as if he were trying to convince _himself_.

Tony couldn’t help but think back to the way that Loki had rocked himself on the bed, only an hour or so before.

_They’re lying._

And Tony didn’t _want_ to be another person telling Loki that he was wrong, not anymore. Loki had enough of that right now. He just… he needed someone who would _listen_ , and really, that was the least that Tony could do.

So he offered Loki a smile, and when he spoke, it wasn’t even a lie.

“Okay,” Tony said simply. “I look forward to it.”

Loki grinned at that, wide and bright and _wicked_ , the sort of smile that made him look like… like the kind of person Tony would actually _want_ to spend time with.

They spent hours talking after that, so long that Tony’s stomach started to complain. But he could see in Loki’s gaze that the mage didn’t want him to leave, and he stayed right until the healers came in for the day. Even then, Tony felt reluctant, but Loki… wasn’t fighting them.

They seemed amazed that he wasn’t spitting and swearing from the moment they stepped into the room, and one even stared at Tony with awe.

“You’ll be all right?” Tony asked, only realising that it was a question after he’d already given it voice.

“Well, you’ll come back tomorrow, won’t you?” Loki asked– and his voice was so very hopeful that Tony found himself saying yes before he had even properly considered it.

—-◊-—

It started to become a regular thing. Tony would head into Loki’s room every morning, and spend a fair amount of time there– and at first, the length of his stay depended on how much other work he had to do, or whether there was a project that was itching at his fingers. But the more time Tony spent with Loki, the more he came to actually enjoy the other man’s company– and he began to make sure that his mornings were clear, just so he knew he could stay as long as he wanted. Tony started to _look forward_ to his meetings with Loki, to sitting in the chair that had become the only other piece of furniture in the room.

It was that thought, that reminder of just how boring Loki’s life must be which, fairly early on in the arrangement, had Tony brightening with a new idea as he walked the familiar path toward Loki’s room. 

“You look happy today,” Loki said as Tony walked in that morning, and he seemed so genuinely _pleased_ by that fact that it made Tony’s smile widen.

“Yeah,” he said. “I had an idea. Thor told me you like reading, is that right?”

Loki’s smile faltered for a moment, as it often did when Tony let slip a reminder that what Loki believed was real had only been a fantasy– but Loki recovered quickly.

“I do,” he said. “But, you cannot bring me a book to read, if that’s what your idea is. I am grateful for the thought, but the barrier would stop you from being able to pass one to me.”

“Well, I thought about that,” Tony said, stepping around the bed and toward the window. It was smaller than the one in Tony’s own room, but just as with most of the windows in the private quarters of the tower, it was capable of doubling as a screen. It just needed to be booted up, and as Tony found the control panel hidden neatly in the wall he said– “So I thought of an alternative.”

It only took a few quick taps before JARVIS was able to connect the dormant window to the network, and then the glass was lighting up with the usual home screen information– weather, news, search bar.

“JARVIS can control it for you, and you can direct him with words or, with gestures if you’d prefer. It’s got full access to the internet and JARVIS’ll get you any ebook you want, or you can use it for Netflix. Whatever you want, really.”

Tony demonstrated as he talked, flicking windows over the – well, the window – using gestures to do so. When he turned, it was to find that Loki was not watching the screen, but _Tony_ , staring in complete awe.

Tony swallowed to try and wet his dry throat. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you a StarkPad, or something you could hold in your hands.”

“It is hardly your fault,” Loki said. “Thank you for this. You are far kinder than anyone else.”

“It’s nothing,” Tony told him, glancing away. “I just… don’t like the thought of you sitting in here all day, with nothing to do.”

“This isn’t a holiday for me, Anthony,” Loki replied, tilting his head. “This is a _punishment_. Boredom comes as the price of what I did.”

“Well, it shouldn’t,” Tony replied, moving around to take his normal seat. It meant that Loki had to turn away from the screen to keep watching him, but Loki did not seem to mind that fact. He kept his eyes on Tony, twisting his whole body around as he watched him with a smile. It was something that Loki did often, Tony realised, as if he couldn’t get enough of just… _looking_. Perhaps he needed to reassure himself that Tony was there, that it wasn’t just a dream– or maybe it just that…

Well.

Tony knew Loki believed himself in love, right? It shouldn’t have felt so strange, it shouldn’t have made Tony feel like Loki was peeling back layers because he _wasn’t_ , he didn’t really know Tony at all—

Except, it was hard to keep your guard up when the person you’re with is so exposed, when _their_ guard is completely down. It’s hard to try and remain distant, when they’re wearing their heart on their sleeve, with all that they are – the good and the bad, the insecurities and the broken parts and the _kindness_ that no one else ever got to see – is wide out in the open, vulnerable and bright.

Shaking the thought from his head, Tony offered Loki a smile.

“How about we watch a movie, or something?” he suggested. “Honestly, you are woefully up to date on Earth culture – that is to say, not up to date at all—”

“Oh, am I?” Loki asked haughtily, taking the subject change in his stride. “Well, perhaps I should regal you with the sagas of my people in between your movies, so that we can be on an equal level.”

“I’d like that,” Tony said simply.

Loki paused– then his smile curved upward again. “Really?”

“Of course. I mean, learn about a whole new culture, a freaking _alien_ culture that’s lightyears ahead of Earth technology? A place with _magic?_ Of fucking course I want to know!” Tony was grinning– but Loki’s voice felt quiet compared to his own.

“You wish to hear about magic?” Loki asked.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Tony laughed. But his smile fell when he saw the seriousness of Loki’s expression, the way that his eyes were wide and his lips pinched together. “I’m going to take that to mean not everyone,” Tony said, the mirth turning down into a frown.

“Well, not… entirely,” Loki said. “Magic is lauded on Asgard, so long as it is used for the right thing– and by the right people.”

“I’m guessing you’re not the right people?” Tony asked.

“No,” Loki replied. “I am not.” He curled in on himself a little, and Tony felt the strange urge to pull him into a hug. He was glad that the barrier was in the way, stopping him from doing something stupid. “As a prince, I was not supposed to become what I have. Thor has his own brand of power through the lightning that courses through him, and when he becomes king he will learn to wield the Odinforce. But I am _meant_ to be a warrior. Learning seiðr allowed me to gain the upper hand on everyone else, but they always saw my methods as dishonourable, even if it would allow me to be a better right hand to my brother. They would prefer I lose a fight than use my seiðr to win it.”

“That’s sad,” Tony said simply. “Loki, you… you deserve so much better than that.”

“Oh, I know,” Loki said, still managing to smile without it looking false. “That’s why I want to be here, with you, instead of on Asgard with them.”

Somehow, that didn’t make Tony feel guilty. It made him feel warm, made him feel like perhaps he was doing something right, that he was _helping_ just as he had hoped. He was glad that Loki was able to feel safe with him, he liked that Loki trusted him– and he was smiling as he continued the conversation.

“Come on then, Your Highness,” he said. “Pick a movie. Then you can tell me all about your legendary exploits upon those who dared to talk down to you afterward. As much as I would love to hear a saga, I’m sure that your own stories would be far more thrilling.”

Loki grinned at that, and Tony felt that he had said the right thing.

In the following days, Loki seemed _brighter_. Tony remembered what Thor had said about the fact that it had been the crushing boredom that had sent Loki tumbling from the precipice back in his cell, and he hoped that now Loki had something to do, he would be a few steps further away from the edge– that maybe occupying his mind might help with his recovery.

But even though it did seem like Loki was recovering already, Tony couldn’t stop trying to think of other ways he could help. He couldn’t stop _thinking_ about the way Loki had talked about his seiðr– and the way that he talked about it in the days following, with a wistful tone that almost ached. Tony couldn’t let it go, and he felt like it was another level of punishment which would just make everything worse in the long run.

After a long and difficult conversation with Thor and a few wrangled promises out of Loki, Tony managed to convince the Asgardians to take away Loki’s cuffs, since they would not let him out of the barrier. It meant that Loki could clean himself off more thoroughly than just with the sponge baths they had allowed him, and to change his clothes with his seiðr. But those things were a mere ripple on the ocean compared to the expression on Loki’s face when his seiðr had come flooding back, as green light danced through his fingers and his eyes had lit up with delight.

Loki had reached forward in that moment– only to pause when his fingers struck the barrier, which had been re-erected the moment Thor had stepped back from removing Loki’s cuffs. He stared at where his hands had hit the barrier for a moment before pulling back, and looking up at Tony with a smile that was still pleased, but a little smaller than it had been before.

Tony knew that Loki had been reaching for _him_ , wanting to share his delight with a hug.

That was the second time Tony found himself wishing that the barrier wasn’t between them, that it could have stayed down for a little longer, just so that he could offer that comforting touch that Loki so clearly craved.

But Loki was only on Earth while his mind was being treated. He was a _criminal_ , and criminals were supposed to be locked up… right? 

It was getting harder and harder for Tony to convince himself of that fact– something made even more difficult when a throwaway comment led to the truth about New York.

Tony wasn’t even sure what had made him say it in the first place– he had just become so comfortable around Loki that it felt natural to respond to one of Loki’s complaints about a choice of movie with a quip about how it wasn’t as bad as being thrown from a window– to which Loki responded with something that didn’t make sense.

“It’s not as if you were in any danger. I wouldn’t have thrown you out of the window if I hadn’t known that your suits could fly,” Loki told him, rolling his eyes with a bright grin. “Honestly. I thought you knew that already.”

For a moment, Tony thought that Loki was referring to the fantasy ‘Anthony’ again, except… Loki’s eyes weren’t sad like they normally were, whenever that illusionary world was brought up. Loki was still teasing, and Tony realised—

“You weren’t trying to kill me,” he whispered.

“Of course I wasn’t,” Loki said. “I would never try to hurt you. We already talked about—” Loki faltered for a moment – and _there_ was that familiar touch of sadness that Tony had been expecting – but then Loki caught his gaze again with a determined smile. “Oh,” he said. “Of course, you wouldn’t remember. But you should know that I couldn’t try to harm you, Anthony. Not _you_ , and not your home, either.”

So it was that Tony leaned the truth, the _whole truth_ about the way they had first met. He learned that Loki had both been acting in self-defence and had been just as much on the Avengers side as any of them had been. He hadn’t been trying to sabotage his own plan out of completely altruistic reasons of course, but– he hadn’t been trying to take over the world, and any harm that he had caused had been as much as was _necessary_ to make sure that the _monsters_ watching him believed his ploy.

Tony didn’t rush from the room immediately, of course, but he _did_ make a subtle gesture to JARVIS so he would know to save the conversation, just in case. And when the healers arrived for their daily session, Tony blew off the meeting he was meant to attend and went straight to Thor.

Thor’s expression was grave as he listened, and Tony wasn’t too hopeful about anything good coming of it. But… he had to _try_ , because he _knew_ what it was to be willing to do terrible things to stop something worse from happening to you, and he knew how the guilt could build up. Loki might have done other things he needed to atone for, but _this_ , at least, should not be one of them. It wasn’t his fault, and Tony wanted to try and make Loki see that.

As the days and weeks continued to pass and Tony spent more and more of each one at Loki’s side, he caught himself wishing over and over again that there was no barrier between them, that he could reach out and pull Loki into his arms.

Slowly, he came to realise that it wasn’t just comfort for Loki that Tony wanted. He wanted to hold Loki just because he _wanted_ to, because he had come to know that smart, vulnerable man who loved so very deeply and… and he knew that Loki deserved to be loved back.

And maybe it was difficult to admit, but it was even harder to deny the fact that Tony was beginning to love Loki as well– but he knew that he could never show it.

—-◊-—

It’s impossible to control the way you feel, right? Surely, it had to be, because if it wasn’t then Tony was a terrible person. Yes, okay, he did also feel guilty about it but… try as he might, he was starting to dread the day that Loki was officially healed.

He just… he knew that when Loki wasn’t in love with the fantasy anymore, he was going to act differently, he wouldn’t be as open. It wasn’t that Tony was going to lose Loki entirely, because he had talked to Thor after his last trip to Asgard and things in that area were looking up– but it wouldn’t be the same. He would miss the easy conversations, he would miss feeling like he had someone who understood him and who cared about him just for _him_ , not because of his name or what he could do for them.

And no matter how guilty Tony felt for it, no matter how much he was _honestly_ hoping for Loki to recover, he just… couldn’t help it.

So he did the only thing that he could, and made the most of the time that he had. He was spending so much time with Loki now that even _Steve_ had noticed, even though he spent more time in DC than New York these days.

And it wasn’t that everything was bliss. They didn’t slot together like two puzzle pieces, like Loki clearly had with the Tony of his illusion.

Loki was an asshole, something that didn’t seem to have been curbed by his confusion, and Tony was perfectly aware that he could be kind of a dick at times as well. They clashed and they argued more often than they agreed on something, but they would do it with a glint in their eye as they accepted the challenge the other presented, and usually by the end they would have pushed each other far enough that not only would they have found some common ground, but they would have had fun doing it.

Honestly, Tony was having the time of his life. He enjoyed every moment despite the sweet torture of not being able to touch, of not being able to tell Loki how he felt– because with the state Loki was in, that would only be unfair to them both.

But then, one morning almost three months since Loki’s arrival, the last illusion finally fell.

Thor caught his arm on his way to Loki’s room, his expression worried.

“Has Loki appeared very different to you these past few days?” Thor asked.

Tony frowned, instantly matching his concern. “Not particularly. Why?”

“The healers say that there is nothing more they can do,” Thor said, his voice low. “Has Loki given any indication to you that he knows the illusions were not real?”

Tony smiled ruefully, the concern melting away as understanding took its place. He didn’t need further explanation nor time to work it out, because to him, knowing Loki as well as he did, the answer was instantly clear.

He had noticed Loki improving, of course he had– the way that he would accept that Tony didn’t know something a long term partner would, the way that he would no longer flinch when his illusion was shattered, the way he would no longer simply assume he knew something about Tony that hadn’t already come up between them. If the healers said that Loki had learned the difference between what was real and what was not, then Tony believed them.

“I think I know what’s going on,” Tony said, doing his best to make his smile seem real. “Don’t worry, Thor. Loki will be back to normal soon enough– or well. Whatever’s normal for _him_ , I guess.”

Tony _hoped_ he knew Loki’s normal, that the man he had come to care for wouldn’t change. Surely, Loki wouldn’t, because the illusion hadn’t changed who he _was_ , only the way he felt about Tony. But the shadow of Tony’s insecurity dug deep, because even if that was the real Loki, Tony would no longer be able to see him once Loki knew _Tony_ had learned the truth.

The ache in his chest made it hard to return Loki’s smile when he stepped through the door, and Loki noticed that something was wrong immediately. His expression creased with worry as he stood from the mattress and pressed his hands against the barrier.

“Anthony, what’s wrong?” he asked– and the echo of that first morning made Tony’ heart crack just a little. And it was his turn to have that awful thought run through his head.

 _It’s not real_.

Tony didn’t want to continue the charade any longer, but… for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he still hoped that Loki would admit the truth himself. So rather than just blurting out a question or an accusation, he moved closer and lifted his hands to press them to Loki’s, only the thin, magical barrier preventing their touch.

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise,” Tony said, gently. “There’s just… something I need to tell you.”

Loki tilted his head in both curiosity and in a gesture to continue. “Go on.”

“I told Thor what you told me about New York,” he said. “About Thanos. He went to Asgard and talked Odin into agreeing that since you were acting under duress, the time you had already served was enough, and that conditional on your healing you will be pardoned for the invasion. The punishment for your other crimes, Thor said, isn’t incarceration. It’s _banishment_ , to another realm, so… you can stay here. You can stay as long as you want, okay? You’ll be able to walk around and go outside, even, just the same as when Thor was banished, that time he met Jane.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Loki asked– first in a low whisper, which changed to something firm as he said, “Conditional on my healing means it doesn’t matter, because I’m not—”

“Because you deserve to know,” Tony interrupted, a deep frown creasing his brow. He didn’t understand, it didn’t make any sense, because… Loki was still pretending. Tony had _just told him_ that he didn’t need to go back to Asgard, that he wouldn’t be locked up any more. That if Loki admitted he was healed, he would be _free–_ and yet Loki was _still lying_.

And the only possible way Loki would willing stay a prisoner was if… he didn’t want this to come to an end, either.

“Loki,” Tony said gently, knowing now that he was going to have to cut to the chase– especially since he was growing more certain by the moment that he didn’t have anything to lose by it, more certain that even though the healers had unravelled what Loki had done to himself, their time together had formed a love of their own on more than just Tony’s side. That actually, this _was_ real after all. “Please, stop trying to hide. I know you remember the truth.”

Loki’s expression changed then, but once again he didn’t do as Tony had been expecting. Instead of closing off or hiding behind a mask now that his ruse had been discovered, Loki sighed and smiled sadly.

“You know, what I thought we had was perfect,” he said, Tony would have almost said his voice was wistful if he couldn’t hear the bitterness hiding underneath. “Too perfect, really. Perfect enough that it should have been not so at all.”

Tony blinked at that, taken a little by surprise, and Loki shrugged a shoulder, his gaze distant.

“I apologise for the way that I acted, Tony,” he said, and the shortened name hit Tony harder than it should have. “You did not deserve that. I should not have asked to come here, I should not have put you through this—”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Tony said. “You weren’t yourself—”

“Maybe not,” Loki sighed. “But I should not have used your image in the first place. You deserve far more than me creating a perfect lover in your image after meeting you only the once.”

Tony shook his head. “You did what anyone would have done. You just created an escape from a bad situation.”

Loki still looked like he didn’t agree, but he seemed to recognise that there was no point in arguing further. He considered Tony for a moment before letting out a breath, his shoulders slumping. “It truly _wasn’t_ real. Not any of it.”

“No,” Tony said. “At least… everything you thought you saw while you were locked up wasn’t.” He wanted to say that what he was feeling _now_ was the realest thing he had ever felt, but he wasn’t sure how. Not yet. Instead, he decided to ask again– “How long has it been since you knew?”

“It was a slow process,” Loki admitted. “But even so… a fair while, now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tony asked, taking his hands off the barrier and running one of them through his hair. He thought he already knew the answer, but… he wanted to hear Loki _say_ it. “If you knew it wasn’t real, why did you keep pretending that you didn’t?”

“Old habits, perhaps,” Loki said, his smile turning sharp as his hands also slid down to his sides. “I wanted to live out the fantasy for just a few more days, just while it lasted.”

Tony’s mouth went dry, and his heart skipped a beat before racing ahead hard enough that his chest was aching again, though for an entirely different reason from before. He knew that this, right here, was right on the edge of something big. What he did now was going to be important, it was going to _matter_. This was where he made the difference for them both.

“Loki,” he whispered.

“Yes, Tony?” Loki asked– and the change of name still felt _odd_ , and yet it was somehow also the confirmation Tony needed to spur him on.

“What if… it doesn’t have to be a fantasy anymore?” he asked, his breath catching. “What if that’s something that I want as well?”

Loki seemed to freeze, his lips parting slightly, his eyes widening as he stared at Tony in complete disbelief. “What?” he breathed.

“I don’t want this to stop, either,” Tony said. “Loki, this time with you… I’ve loved every moment of it, and I don’t want it to end. I…” One of Tony’s hands pressed into the barrier again, almost of its own accord. “I wish I could touch you, right now,” he said, letting out a bitter laugh.

Loki raised a hand of his own again, slowly, tentatively. He too pressed it into the barrier, and he met Tony’s gaze almost questioningly. Then, he looked to his hand with a frown of concentration. The barrier around his fingers began to crackle, Loki’s hand was glowing green—

And then the barrier fell, and their palms pressed together for the first time.

Tony let out a breath he didn’t even realise he had been holding, and he curled his hand until their fingers were entwined. Loki’s hand was a little colder than his, but nothing had ever felt so right.

Smiling softly, Tony looked up to meet Loki’s gaze, and then lifted his other hand to cup Loki’s cheek. The sound that escaped Loki’s lips was almost a whimper as he leaned into Tony’s touch, his eyes falling closed for a moment.

“Loki,” Tony said, stroking gently with his thumb and waiting until Loki’s eyes were open once again.

“Yes?” Loki asked, staring at Tony as if he still couldn’t believe it, his spare hand coming up to touch tentatively at Tony’s waist.

“Loki, I’ve fallen in love with you,” Tony said softly, moving half an inch closer. “When I say that I don’t want this to end, I mean that there is nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life by your side.”

Loki’s lips parted, but rather than saying anything, he leaned down and pressed them to Tony’s. Although Loki lingered the kiss was nothing more than simple pressure, as if he were waiting to be pushed away just like that first day– but this time Tony ran his hand through Loki’s hair and drew him closer, kissing Loki back with an eagerness that betrayed just how long he had wanted this.

They only stopped when the need for air grew too great to ignore, and even then they lingered close together, Loki’s arms around Tony’s waist and Tony’s looped over Loki’s shoulders, their foreheads pressed together as they fought to catch their breath.

“I know what is real,” Loki whispered, touching their lips together again for a moment, as if he were unable to stop stealing kisses that Tony was only too happy to give. “And I know what is not. You’re not the same as the person I created in my illusions because he was _too_ perfect. He did everything that I wanted, he never argued or challenged or pushed me further than I wanted to go. He felt like he was perfect, but he wasn’t _right_ – and my imagination never could have come close to the real thing.”

Tony’s breath caught as Loki leaned back just slightly, catching Tony’s gaze with a smile.

“I know you now,” Loki said. “And Tony, it is _you_ that I want to be with, the real you, the Tony Stark who stayed with me even though I was your enemy, the man who showed more kindness than I deserved, who listens when it’s important and yet does not accept a thing without thinking how it could be _better_.” He smiled, and touched his lips to Tony’s nose. “ _This_ feels right.”

“I know,” Tony said. “It feels right to me, too.” Tony pressed up on his toes to kiss Loki again, and then again, short and sweet and everything that he yearned for. Loki whispered his name in between kisses– and yet the short sound of it didn’t seem quite right, both because it seemed as if Loki was trying to make himself more used to it, and because… well.

“You know,” Tony said, feeling a little hesitant. “Anthony kind of grew on me. I mean, I understand if it’s weird for you—”

“No,” Loki said, his voice gentle, his eyes soft. “It’s not weird. I _know_ that this is real, and I know the man who I have fallen in love with. And... Anthony, that is _you_.”

Warmth bloomed in Tony’s chest, and this time, when he leaned forward, it was to rest his head against Loki’s shoulder. They stood there then, just holding each other, content in the knowledge that what they had was _real,_ and that it couldn’t be taken from them.

And despite all that he had said on the matter, Tony couldn't help but think that… if there _was_ such a thing as actually perfect, then that moment had to be pretty darn close.


End file.
